


i lived the fall (of your letting down)

by RecklessWriter



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Because he's dead, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Uchiha Sasuke Needs a Hug, but he's mentioned a lot, but they don't do much, itachi isn't actually in this fic, naruto and sakura are technically in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-08 08:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21232949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RecklessWriter/pseuds/RecklessWriter
Summary: Kakashi’s eyes widen as realization strikes him. Coldness spreads through his body.“That’s what this whole thing was, wasn’t it?” he demands. “Attacking the Five Kage Summit… you weren’t trying to killthem, you were trying to makethemkillyou.”In a world where Sasuke's attack on the Five Kage Summit wasn't a quest for revenge but a kamikaze mission, his reunion with Kakashi goes differently.





	i lived the fall (of your letting down)

**Author's Note:**

> This is honestly just an excuse to let Sasuke have the breakdown he should of had in canon :-}
> 
> Story takes place during Team Seven's reunion with Sasuke after the Five Kage Summit. Some of the dialogue is pulled from there.

Kakashi stares at the stranger in front of him. The stranger wearing his student’s face.

“Were you really going to kill her?”

The words are an echo. He’s said them before, on a hospital rooftop. An angry, hurting boy, glaring up at him through his hair.

(_“Were you really going to kill him?”_)

He failed that boy that day. The result now stands before him.

“How far you’ve fallen, Sasuke.”

Sasuke’s face is unreadable. His eyes are as cold as his brother’s once were, and they carry the same emptiness. They stare straight through him.

“Don’t make me kill you,” Kakashi says. His voice doesn’t waver, but the words break his heart.

The corner of Sasuke’s mouth pulls up into a smirk. He looks completely unhinged. There’s a wildness to his expression, a madness to his eyes.

“You speak as if you _could_.”

From behind him, Sakura lets out a small sob. The sound pierces Kakashi’s heart. _How did we get here?_ he wonders. _How did it come to this?_

This being two of his students behind him and one of them in front; Kakashi standing between them, forced to act as a shield. This being the kunai that barely missed Sakura’s throat, the blood dripping down Sasuke’s face like tears.

_This_ being a man in an orange mask, with a Sharingan eye and an unbelievable story. A story about a thirteen-year-old boy who loved his brother so much, he soaked his hands in the blood of his kin to keep him safe. The story of a shinobi so loyal, he protected his village by killing his own heart.

It can’t be true. It _can’t be_. Itachi Uchiha was a cold-blooded murderer.

But if it_ is…_

Sasuke smiles, and the expression isn’t right on his face. It’s sharp, and wild, and _broken_.

“Don’t act as if you’re still my sensei. I’m _itching_ to kill you, Kakashi!”

And it’s wrong. All of it is _wrong_.

“No,” Kakashi responds, certain in a way he can’t explain. “You’re _not_.”

The gleam of madness in his eyes falters for the briefest moment, giving way to a desperation so raw that it steals Kakashi’s breath.

Sasuke’s hands shake violently at his sides. “What do you know,” he snarls, words spilling wildly from his lips. “You damn outsider—you’re just as bad as him—how dare you flaunt that eye in front of me—”

He’s fraying at the edges. Fluctuating wildly between a cold calm and a feral rage. Each second that passes only serves to further Kakashi’s suspicions.

Kakashi knows what anger looks like on Sasuke Uchiha, and this isn’t it. This isn’t hatred, it’s _desperation_. He’s taking a page out of Itachi’s book; he’s putting on a face and forcing them to believe it.

“You don’t want to kill me,” Kakashi repeats, and his surety of his own words is strengthened as he says them. “You didn’t even want to kill _her_.”

Kakashi knows what a mask looks like when he sees one. And Sasuke was never as good as Itachi at hiding behind one.

“You’re _wrong_,” Sasuke snarls, but the words are barely a breath. His hands are still shaking. “What do you know about Itachi—you don’t know a _fucking thing_—”

“I know _everything_,” he says, and Sasuke freezes. “I know about the coup. I know about the orders. Your new master in the mask told me all about it.”

Sasuke’s mouth twists, his jaw clenching. Kakashi watches him struggle, caught between snapping at Kakashi for calling the masked man his _master_, or addressing the greater issue.

“You didn’t want to kill us,” Kakashi continues. “And you didn’t want to kill Danzo, either. You didn’t have to attack the Five Kage Summit. There were easier ways to achieve your goal.”

Rage sparks in Sasuke’s eyes. Real this time. “_Didn't want to kill him_?” he repeats, his mouth an angry slash. “Do you know what he _did_? To _Itachi_, to my _clan_—"

“I’m not saying you didn’t wish him dead,” Kakashi says. And honestly, if what the masked man said is true, then Kakashi can’t even blame him. “I’m saying that it wasn’t your primary objective. This wasn’t a revenge quest for you.”

Sasuke’s jaw is clenched so hard, it’s a wonder he doesn’t break his teeth. Kakashi can sense his two other students standing slightly behind him; Naruto is being unusually silent.

And this is where Kakashi’s certainty ends. Because he knows that Sasuke is putting on a show. He knows what he’s trying to do. But he still doesn’t understand _why_.

“You wanted to make them fight you. That’s why you attacked at the Summit,” he says. “Why? You had to have known it was a suicide mission—"

Sasuke goes still. Kakashi’s eyes widen as realization strikes him. Coldness spreads through his body.

“That’s what this whole thing was, wasn’t it?” he demands. “Attacking the Five Kage Summit… you weren’t trying to kill _them_, you were trying to make _them_ kill _you_.”

Behind him, Sakura gasps. Kakashi stares at his student in horrified realization, his blood turning to ice.

“And that’s why you tried to kill Sakura. You wanted us to kill you.”

_You wanted _me_ to kill you._

Kakashi raises his hand. He lowers his hitai-ate back over his eye, into its usual slanted position. “No,” he says, and his voice is firm. He takes a step back. “I won’t do this. I won’t help you kill yourself.”

Sasuke’s teeth snap together angrily. His eyes flash. “What do you know?” he snarls. “You think you know how I feel because you heard some fucking _story_? They’re dead—they’re _all dead_!”

Sasuke runs forward, shuriken appearing from the bands at his wrists. Kakashi draws back in surprise as the projectiles race towards him. His hands flash automatically through signs, pressing his palms to the ground.

“_Doton: Doryuuheki_!”

The shuriken slam into the stone wall that rises from the ground. Kakashi pulls up his hitai-ate again, exposing his Sharingan just as Sasuke appears behind him. He hears the familiar chirping of the Chidori, and ducks just as a fist of electricity slams into the wall behind him.

“Kakashi-sensei!” Naruto yells. He makes to move from Sakura’s side, but Kakashi stops him with a look.

“Don’t! Stay where you are! I’ll handle this.”

He doesn’t want to fight Sasuke. All he can do is stay on the defensive.

“I won’t kill you, Sasuke!” he yells. “You can’t force me!”

Sasuke’s eyes narrow. They flicker to something behind Kakashi. With a sudden _shunshin_, his form flickers, disappearing from sight.

Kakashi’s eyes widen in realization. He spins around. “Sakura—!”

Sasuke appears behind her, a kunai in his hand. Naruto grabs her and throws them both to the ground, the blade slicing through air.

Kakashi’s jaw tightens with anger. Calling his chakra to his feet, he reaches them in less than a second, falling into a defensive position.

“_Enough_,” Kakashi says. He sees what Sasuke’s doing, and he isn’t going to stand for it. “Would you really kill them both just to force my hand? Are you really that far gone?”

“Did you not hear me before?” Sasuke asks. There’s a darkness in his eyes that sends a chill down Kakashi’s spine. “They’re _nothing_. If I have to kill them to get you to fight me—”

“I already told you I won’t.” Kakashi takes a careful step forward. He stares into his student's blood-red eyes, and he tries to see something he recognizes. “It’s not too late, Sasuke. We can still fix this.”

Kakashi tries to see the twelve-year-old boy he once knew, buried beneath all the darkness and pain. He knows that he’s still there.

“You can still come home.”

Sasuke’s mouth twists at the last word. “To _Konoha_?” he responds, and he says the word like something rotten, something _vile_. “They built their peace on the Uchiha Clan's blood. The only reason I’d ever return would be to burn it to the ground.”

Behind him, Naruto makes a strange noise. Kakashi risks a quick glance; there’s a look of horrified realization on his face, his blue eyes wide as he watches the scene.

He steps forward. “Itachi didn’t want this,” he says. “He wanted you to live. I know he did.”

Sasuke’s expression twists at his brother’s name. The pain on his face steals Kakashi’s breath.

“Itachi is _dead_! Don’t you get it? _He’s dead_! He told me to kill him, and I did it! He’s dead, and it’s my fault, so just _fucking kill me_!”

Naruto falters back, eyes wide. Kakashi takes another step forward, suddenly filled with understanding.

Kakashi thinks about Obito, buried under a cascade of rock. He thinks of Rin, a hole in her chest and her blood on his fingers. He understands. More than Sasuke will ever know.

“If everything about him is true, then that means he died to save you. Gave up _everything_,” Kakashi tells him. “Now, you want to spit right in the face of his sacrifice by throwing yourself on the sword—”

“Shut up!” Sasuke yells. “It should’ve been me, not him! He should’ve just killed me that night just like everyone else! I’m _fixing it_—”

“By _dying_? By making me _kill you_?” Kakashi thinks about Rin jumping in front of his Chidori, of her blood against his skin. _It won’t wash off, it won’t wash off—_

“Do you have any idea what that would do to me?” he asks. “Do you even _care_? You’re being completely selfish! Sasuke, you can’t _do this_—"

“Itachi did!” Sasuke yells, _screams_, and his eyes are full of anguish. They cut right down to Kakashi’s soul. “He _wanted_ to die! He _chose_ to die! _Why is he allowed to, but I’m not!?_”

The sound of a thousand birds chirping fills the air. Kakashi’s Sharingan barely catches the movement, and there’s no time to dodge. Using lightning-fast reflexes, Kakashi’s hand shoots out and grabs Sasuke’s wrist.

“Itachi was _wrong_.”

Sasuke goes still in surprise. Electricity crackles against Kakashi’s hand, burning his skin.

Sasuke stares with wide eyes at his wrist, where Kakashi halted his Chidori, and he looks like he’s seeing a ghost. When he raises his gaze to Kakashi’s face, his eyes are haunted with memories.

His wrist goes slack in Kakashi’s grip. The _chi-chi-chi_ sound slowly dies away, the electricity fading from his fingers. Kakashi doesn’t look away. He keeps his gaze locked with Sasuke's, red against red.

“He shouldn’t have done what he did. He shouldn’t have put that on your conscience.” His hand around Sasuke’s wrist loosens. It falls back to his side. “If he wanted to die so badly, he should have done it himself.”

Sasuke stares at him with eyes that still bleed red. Emotion swirls inside them. His fractures are held together by a single frayed thread.

Kakashi places his hands on his shoulders. Wills him to understand.

“Sasuke, _I’m sorry_.”

And Sasuke _breaks_. His knees give out, hitting the ground, and Kakashi goes with him. Sasuke lashes out at him violently, striking at his chest, trying to force a response.

“Fight back!” he snarls. The side of his fist slams into Kakashi’s chest again. “Fight back, fight back—”

Kakashi winces from the blows, but holds his ground. “I won’t,” he says. He grabs Sasuke’s arms as they continue to strike him. “I won’t, Sasuke _stop_—”

Sasuke struggles against him. “I killed all those samurai. I nearly killed Karin, I tried to kill Sakura—_I killed Itachi_! Just kill me! _Just fucking kill me_!”

Kakashi’s eyes burn. Sasuke continues to fight him, struggling to free his arms, but Kakashi refuses to let go. Kakashi pulls his student close. A sob breaks free from Sasuke’s lips, a wretched, broken sound.

Sasuke’s struggling begins to weaken. His entire body shakes. Eventually, he stops fighting. His hands, pushing uselessly at Kakashi’s chest, now curl into the fabric of his shirt. Another sob is ripped free, wrenched from somewhere deep inside of him. It’s followed by another and another.

The sound is like a knife to Kakashi’s heart. After nearly a decade of trauma and grief, Sasuke is finally breaking. It should’ve happened years ago. It’s a miracle it didn’t happen sooner.

Kakashi kneels there on the ground, his arm circling around his student's back, awkward and with no idea what he’s doing. But he holds the boy close anyway, rubs a hand down his back.

Sasuke’s chin digs into his shoulder. He gasps through his tears.

“It’s okay,” Kakashi says, even though it’s anything but. He has no idea how to do this. He’s never held anyone like this, doesn’t know how to comfort them. “What… what can I do? Anything.”

His words sound stupid to his own ears. Stupid and inadequate.

“My brother,” Sasuke chokes out. “I want… my brother…”

Kakashi feels his heart break. Sasuke gasps again, his fists tightening in Kakashi’s shirt. He presses his face into Kakashi’s shoulder.

“I want my brother, I just want my brother, _please_—”

From the corner of his eye, Kakashi sees Naruto turn his face away from the heartbreaking scene. Sakura’s hand is covering her mouth, and her face is wet with tears.

There’s nothing he can do, nothing he can say. Only one person can fix this, and he’s no longer here.

Itachi Uchiha is dead. And with him, he took Sasuke’s entire world.

“I’m sorry,” Kakashi says, heart heavy with sorrow. “I’m sorry.”

They stay like that for a long time. Kakashi doesn’t move from his position, not even when his muscles start to cramp. Eventually, Sasuke’s sobs die down, then go quiet.

Somewhere far in the distance, a crow caws.

**Author's Note:**

> Sasuke's probably a bit ooc in this, but I don't care. Everyone breaks eventually, even Sasuke. And this is the point in canon where he's pretty much having a mental breakdown, so... :-/
> 
> also, the part in the story where Kakashi catches Sasuke by the wrist to halt his chidori: the reason why Sasuke looks like he "saw a ghost" is because he's remembering the time in the hotel when Itachi did the same thing. This isn't very obvious, since the story isn't in his point of view.


End file.
